Saturday, May 3, 2008

Giving Over My Ashes

I realize more and more every day that parenting five children cannot be done without relying fully on the Lord. I have found lately that I have been trying to do this job in my own strength and it never goes well when I do that! From potty training issues and agressive behavior with siblings to choosing the proper curriculum for homeschooling I feel as though I have been failing miserably lately when it comes to looking to the Lord for guidance. I went to the Ladies Spring Fellowship at my church today and heard some of my fellow sisters in Christ speak about how the Lord will take all of my ashes and turn them into something beautiful. But as one of the speakers stated He can't do it if I don't give Him my ashes!!! This hit home because I really feel like lately I haven't been doing this. I have been stressed out about many things (mostly just day to day parenting things) and rather than looking to the Lord I have instead been worrying and fretting and truly making myself a little crazy (not to mention making my husband and children crazy).

Why is it that as women we tend to take on so much of a burden of the daily things that we encounter?? I find myself going through times when I have such sweet fellowship with the Lord and then just that quick it is gone and I find myself heaping things upon myself that I should be giving over to Him. Having decided to bring my children home again for schooling was something that I didn't take on lightly and spent a great deal of time in prayer about. But recently I have become unhappy with some of our curriculum and I know that I need to make some changes. I have spent many hours on the computer researching some new material, particularly for Mr. D and Miss A who are my two with the most special needs and who have been struggling with some of the material we are doing. I have felt over the past week or so such a strong burden of this on my heart. I have had a couple of discussions with Robert and also with friends but have not once turned it over to the Lord. It hit me today how wrong this is and that I need to stop and do this and release this burden to Him. He was the one that wanted me to bring them home in the first place why would He not help me with all the decisions surrounding it??

I commit now to take this to the Lord in prayer and wait for an answer from Him. I know that I may soon try to take over again, but for this moment I recognize my need to lay this at the cross as well as all issues involving my children. After an incident tonight with our three oldest I asked Robert if he thought we would survive this parenting adventure. He said that he was certain that we would but that the choices that the children will make will ultimately be theirs and all we can to is impart as much to them as we can while we can and leave it up to the Lord to work out the details. Wise words and ones that I think I need to take to heart myself. My Heavenly Father does the same thing for me, He tries to impart His wisdom to me but whether I choose to listen is truly my choice. I pray that you all as my sisters in Christ remember to turn your burdens over to Him and allow Him to take your ashes and trade them for His beauty and glory. Let's pray for one another that we listen to His voice and choose His yoke and not our own self imposed yoke, His is so much lighter!